Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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