My friends, they love my intelligence
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
