You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
