Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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