I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
