the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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