theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize