Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
