Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
