Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
