is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
