As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
