the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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