Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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