omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
