now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
