Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
