Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
