planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
