I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
