Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
