woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Found the puke drawer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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