It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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