Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize