i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
