I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
