Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
