For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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