i permit you to call me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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