checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
