Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
