she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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