I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
