I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
