can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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