Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
