Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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