dude i'm inner monologue high
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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