I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
