I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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