If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ugly people sure do ruin things
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
