dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
