Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
