Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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