Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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