No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
