Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
