How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
