I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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