I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
