New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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