i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
