should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
