If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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