Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
