My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
