i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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