gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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