His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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