So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize