Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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