Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
