It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
