i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
