Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate all girls vehemently.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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