why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
