it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
