maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
