how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
