i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
