How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
