This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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