At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
