Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
