Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
