He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
