You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
