Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
