He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
