Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize