I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
