Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
