Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize